January 03, 2007
5 Reasons It's Great to Be Overweight
It's been a long time since we touched on this topic. Heck, it's been a long time since I've touched on ANY topic. Cut me some slack, life is busy with a new baby!
Diving right back in . . . It popped in to my head how everyone always has so many bad thing to say about being fat or about fat people in general. The word fat alone has such a bad rap that I feel bad even writing it. We've almost become our own race of people. Is that person "asian" or "oriental"? Would you call me "fat" to my face or "overweight"?
Since "Fat" is so "bad", I thought I'd give some perspective to the "skinny" (is that bad too?) people on why it's great to, ah hem, be overweight.
5. We get our own stores to shop in!
That's right...no waiting in long lines for us. No stores and I mean NO stores for us to go to in the mall with the crowds and loud music. Nope, we get to leave the mall after shopping for the rest of our familiy and go across the street to the "Big and Tall" or "XL" store set aside just for us. In and out in five minutes . . . you can't beat it.
4. We get special cataloges sent just for us fatties, right in our mail box!
Why would J.C. Penny treat us like regular old people and stick our clothes randomly in the middle of their four inch think, fifty pound catalog. Nah, we get treated like the special people we are and get our own, "Fat-ologue". I wondered why I overheard the mail man say, "I just delivered mail to the fat guy in apartment ....".
3. Protection for those dangerous and scary rides at the amusement park.
So nice of those folks over at Six Flags to make sure we don't use our bad judgement and try to ride one of those, roler coasters or something. Keep them seats small and they protect the fat folks from getting on. It keeps the lines shorter too. I'm sure little Johnny will understand while he is alone on the ride while overweight Dad watches from below. If the safety harness were big enough to lock down on us fatties, well then they'd have to let us ride, right?
2. Double seats on trains!
That's right, they made the double seat just for us. What? You say they didn't? Why ever then wouldn't it be big enough for any combination of people to sit comfortably? Skinny/skinny we know works everywhere. But what about skinny/fat? Fat/Fat? Fat/Tall? See, they made those seats just small enough for us fatties to enjoy two, all for ourselves. (We know you don't like sitting next to us on the train . . . for the record, we don't like it much either.)
1. Replacement topic for ethnic and racial jokes!
Sure, can't be caught telling a polish joke anymore. Jokes about race . . . might as well make an appointment with your HR department before you email that one out. Don't sweat it though . . . no holds barred on the fat jokes. Keep them coming, we don't mind . . . really.
Hey . . . I'm not bitter, really. But there is a reality here that I'm just sure you skinny people couldn't even begin to understand. Who could expect you too? I'm just helping you try on my "fat" shoes for a couple of minutes to get some perspective from this side of the fat.
Not that I'm happy with my weight either. I'm not one of these heavy folk who hide their issues behind fake excitement that they are fat. No one facing type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and being the guy to exceed the weight limit in an elevator should be excited about being fat. But it's a struggle and a sickness. I've lost 46 pounds and I'm working hard to keep that up.
But even if I'm not overweight one day, I'll always be an honorary member of the club and I'll never lose that perspective.
