I have no idea if these reviews are sarcastic or sincere or what, but they’re pure spun gold:

Pocahontas: Ok a lovely movie. I do really like this movie. However I just need to draw my readers attention to the fact that if Indians had someone like john smith to kill, they would just kill him. There would be no time for Pocahontas to consult ‘grandmother willow’. He would be dead, and that would be it. Oh and if you get shot in the chest, your dead. No amount of Indian remedies is going to solve that. I mean John smith seems to be invincible. And Pocahontas sure can run fast. And im pretty sure a bear would kill you if you picked up its young. John smith is amazing, the amount of times he cheats death. What a hero.

So awesome. I actually suggest you read this entry as though it was sincere, first, and then laden with blistering sarcasm, second. It’s like a journey from the Land of Chocolate to Marlboro Flavor Country.

Consider:

They seem to have forgotten that lions like meat, and when they are hungry, they don’t care about perfecting the circle of life, they want food, and if they are friends with a meerkat and a wild pig, they are going to eat them! That being said I do love the lion king, it makes me cry everytime.

Read that aloud, like you’re fifth-grader delivering a book report; now, read it out loud again like the most bitter, angry Generation-Xer that you can imagine. Your irony will actually overload!

I only warn you because I care, and because I myself only narrowly managed to escape cracking my head after passing out from reading these.

What a hero.