1. A series of questions

Friday afternoon

Co-worker: I heard the White Stripes were playing a free live show downtown today?

Me: Yeah, I read the same thing. Too bad we couldn’t be down there, huh?

Co-worker: Seriously! Is it part of the Live Earth thing, do you think?

Me: I… don’t think so? I don’t know. Are we even having concerts in Toronto for that?

Co-worker: Maybe? I thought there was something. Isn’t it downtown somewhere?

Me: You got me. What’s Live Earth about, anyway? Is it like Farm Aid or something, except for, you know, the Earth?

Co-worker: I dunno, actually. I think it’s for awareness… of… the environment. Do you feel more aware?

Me: …yes?

2. Mounting shame

Saturday morning, between a mid-20s couple at the exit of the gym

Woman: Hey, did you see that Simon LeBon was on TV earlier?

Husband, I am guessing: On TV where?

Wife, I figure: Up there, on the concert. The one that’s on four out of the five TVs, over the treadmills?

Husband: Oh. Oh! No, I didn’t. Were they doing a spotlight on Duran Duran, or something?

Wife: No, it was live! I guess they’re on a reunion tour in the UK, or I dunno.

Husband: Huh, I didn’t notice. I was watching the Canadian Bowling championships.

Wife: ….

Husband: Yeah. Okay, yeah, I know how that sounds.

3. Preferences

Saturday evening

Me (on the phone with my friend): Well, I’m finally watching these concerts.

Friend: Do you feel more aware?

Me: You asked me that already. And, no.

Friend: Well, they’re not so bad, did you see that the Black-Eyed Peas were–

Me: Oh my God, The Dirty Dozen is on!

Friend: What? Holy shit!

(phones hanging up simultaneously)

I’m afraid that all I can say is, “Nice try, Al Gore.”