At the Ontario Science Center, tucked away in the Human Body exhibit with all the Sex Education displays and kiosks about sneezing, there’s an awesome little Aging Machine.
I had forgotten completely about it, having learned of it at first from the author of Dinosaur Comics, who posted his own harrowing journey through time. I remember thinking how fun it would be, how hilarious and great.
And instead:
Ewwwwww.
And weirder still? Apparently when I reach age forty-five, I’m going to metaphorphosize into the guy from JAG.
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At first you think this sort of thing is a good chuckle, until you take your pictures and stitch them together in an animation, and watch your head swell up and your jaw lengthen and you look like JAG and then your Dad and then someone who was exposed to high heat for too long.
When someone asked Dee, the fine example of a young woman who came with me to the Science Center, whether she’d be getting into the machine next, she said, “Uh, no. I’m on a date, here.”
Which makes me wonder, why the hell didn’t I think of that?
So, keep it in mind: If you want to know what you look like when you’re old? You don’t. Just wait until you’re old, and enjoy the surprise. And let whoever you’ve brought as a date enjoy it, too, lest they think too long on the grim vision of the future you’ve shown them.
Comments (7)
That is so bizarre. Why did your skull get so much wider? Is that what happens when you age? Your jawline totally becomes someone else’s? I think they tricked you, M. You should ask for a refund. And a second date.
Obviously, I am the only person in the world who reads your blog now. That’s probably because you stopped updating it for so long.
Ha, ha, ha.
I CONTROL MIKE’S BLOG COMMENTS. ONLY I MAY COMMENT ON MIKE’S BLOG.
Haha yer gonna get a fat chin. I am jealous that you keep your hair. Sadly.
You’re gonna be one goodlooking old man.
Gwen, that girl is GOLD. I told him so already.
Looks like you have a grand future as a Fox football pre-game show host in 2038.
Congrats!
I think that’s happening to my son, to much tv.
It’s a little strange to see your whole face grow so much larger and your ears expand. But I gotta say — you’re going to be a hottie when you’re 30. Call me!
TD